August 17, 2010
Buenos días mi nachos, it's me Ace- back to preside over your Death Panel- namely, your C.R.A.B.S postseason prognosticating- which is still illegal in 23 states. Sooooo, One hundred and twenty C.R.A.B.S. games have gone by the wayside. That's at least....400 pitches or so. Give or take. And now we're missing 8 teams. No wait, 10 teams- that's right, we still count the Cubs and Arizona as teams. Six teams remain. Well, five pretenders and Oakland. We start in the divisional championships where four teams will battle to see who will go on to lose in the league championship series. The losers end up with better draft picks. So, you could say that if you win, you lose and if you lose you win. But, that probably makes a little too much sense for this league. Alright, enough avoiding- here it is my 2010 C.R.A.B.S. Divisional Championship Series breakdown. And, I mean that literally and sincerely.....
Here we go again. For the fifth straight (yawn) season these two will meet in the National League playoffs. To recap the previous series, Scottsdale won in five games, six games and then seven games upon where when they met last season, I declared it to be the year of the Ray. Yep, that was a Scottsdale sweep. So, I've been down this road every year with the White Sox, I know how this game is played. The Hawkeye's are so vastly superior to the Rays in every single aspect, I have serious doubts if this series will last even four games. No seriously- once the Rays get a taste of the winless Scott Kazmir in Game 1- matched up against the eventual Foster Award winner in Adam Wainwright (C'mon, who are you kidding- what, you think it's Carlos Silva?)- the Rays are probably just going to give up and head home. And who can blame them? They would stand a chance of facing Kazmir THREE times! That's enough to tire anyone out- even the most seasoned athlete. Then those poor Vegas pitchers like Wainwright, Chris Carpenter and Matt Garza have to face that powerhouse Hawkeye lineup of Scutaro, Kalish and Gomes, oh my! Personally, I think we should just skip this series and send Scottsdale right onto Atlanta where we all know they're going to end up.
ACE THE GREEK DECREES- Vegas in five. Please, don't be stupid.
Now, this one's a doozy. We've got the team (Chicago) that challenged Oakland most of the season for the league's best record, only to fall flat on their face the last month, flailing about with a round of injuries, jaundice and flatout suckitis. In the other corner, we have the Little Team that Couldn't (Mostly because none of the others could) and their six healthy players and CC Sabathia. This is like a Celebrity Death match with two dead celebrities! Hey everybody, let's go watch the Battle Royale between Lenin and Hitler. Oooh, watch as they....just lay there. This one should be a no-brainer as the 70-win team crushes the life out of the .500 team held together by spittle and goo. But, you've got to give these guys credit- they won games that no one else in the division was winning- and they did it without most of their team. At this point, if they lose Sabathia and Lackey, they just might sweep through to the championship! The Sox will have Martin Prado coming back, possibly a Man-Ram sighting and maybe even the difference make Ryan Rowland-Smith. Oh wait, I was thinking about the other Ryan Rowland-Smith. As history shows, if I pick the Sox, they will lose, but can I be taken seriously if I pick the team that couldn't field an NBA starting unit? I'm sorry I just mentioned NBA and unit in the same sentence. Lockerroom flashbacks. (Shiver). Sorry, I just channeled Swish for a sec....This one's a humdinger. And by humdinger, I mean, probably that no one really cares.
ACE SAYS- Chicago in four. I know, this guarantees a Raleigh-Oakland LCS, which will be 'Must Turn-Off TV'. That's it, though- it's Chicago.
After an entire season of C.R.A.B.S. baseball, it seems almost a punishment to be saddled with these two series, but that's I get paid the big bucks for. Check back in about a week when this whole thing blows up and we bring Oakland and Atlanta into this dreadful mix............
Until then,
Aces Everyone |
