The Carolina Sand Gnats (Previously known as the Amsterdam Rugmakers before entering the Witness Protection Program) were an amalgam of crap last season, becoming the first team in the annals of C.R.A.B.S. to lose 90 games. Now, don't get the idea that these jokers just fell off for a year- this team was skunky to begin with, then they skunked it up, kept skunking it up and nothing was done to get rid of the skunk. Coming off of a 39-win season in 2008 (You know the skunk has hit the fan when you dreamily recollect losing 81 games), the Makers of Rugs went into the draft with the 2nd pick and somehow, some way came away from the draft with no- count 'em zero- draftees and only the likes of Jorge Campillo, Steven Pearce and Spiro Agnew to show. And, that kind of show is X-rated, my friend. X as in Xactly the kind of thing you don't do if ya'll is trying to win, anyway. So, throw Pearce and Agnew on top of last season's 39-win team and (Along with a nasty visual) you've got a steaming pile that Pepe le Pew would turn his nose from. Seriously folks, I've hacked up more talented globs than what appeared on the Amsterdam diamond this past year. WHAT WENT RIGHT- Hee hee, I kill myself! This just may be the shortest paragraph I've ever written. What went right? The season ended- how 'bout that?!?! Ummm, alright. If I had to pick three things that went right, I would pull my hair out. Then, being hairless, I guess I would come up with Troy Tulowitzki, Marlon Byrd and Gavin Floyd. There. Happy??? WHAT WENT WRONG- Lord, I don't have the time- the world is going to end in 39 months.....Oh, alright- what went wrong? The season started. And then it all fell apart from there. Wait- no. The draft came. Then all their picks went. Then Pearce and Agnew showed up. Then the rest of the team showed up. And then it all fell apart from there. Now, to be totally fair- which I am, totally- there are some good players here, but Joey Votto and Geovany Soto missed alot of time with owies, David Murphy fell off the promising train with a thud and Edwin Encarnacion and Rick Ankiel suddenly found themselves on the slowboat to suck. Any which you you slice it, that's a whole lotta skunky dung for one plate. THIS ALL COULD'VE BEEN AVOIDED IF.... There was a lockout or a player's strike? Bruce Willis and Steve Buscemi didn't blow up the asteroid in 'That's Armageddon'? The owner actually brought in some players? The team that had nothing didn't end the season with seven freebies still intact? Oprah didn't want it to happen? BUT, GOING INTO 2010 IT CAN SURELY BE FIXED IF ONLY.... Pigs fly. And fly damn far and fast. Wouldn't hurt if they could take a fastball to the opposite field, either. Alright well, let's try keeping the draft picks for one and keep Jorge Campillo the hell away from the team. But, Jake Peavy's a nice start. Just close your eyes, click your Ruby reds together three times and say, "There's no place like Carolina, there's no place like Carolina....."