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| The C.R.A.B.S. Winter Meetings took place over this past weekend, in Zanesville, Ohio, of course, and as usual, nothing much happened. Well, anything that could actually affect on-field play, that is. Sacramento GM Arn Gurn once again was as drunk as the proverbial skunk, and was actually unconscious for almost the entire 3 day extravaganza (Explaining why Sacramento STILL has not finished cutting down their roster). Also, Roseville's Ari Geeselman took a wrong turn (again! Although this year he made it all the way to Colorado!) and spent the entire weekend in Lubbock, Texas- Home of Buddy Holly. And alas, what would this report be without an update on the yearly tet-a-tet that is the Greffem-Guez showdown. There has been bad blood between these two, ever since Gus Greffem (Oakland) buffaloed Al Guez (Chicago) into the Barry Bonds trade of '94. This year's "Thrilla in…..um….Zanesville…….went to Guez in 3 rounds. Greffem is the early favorite for next year's meetings, as neither combatant has taken fights two years in a row. Once all the fun was over, the C.R.A.B.S. suits got down to business, and this reporter promptly lapsed into a coma. Luckily, my cub reporter, Skeet Gumley (No relation), dutifully collected all the pertinent information. Suffice it to say, Skeet's notes looked remarkably like mine- minus the drool. But, somewhere along the line, there were some propositions passed around, and after bailing out the offending parties, some new rules and regulations were voted on, and roundly defeated. To give you the Reader's Digest version of the latest C.R.A.B.S. Winter Meetings, I refer to Skeet's notes: Don't forget No-Doze tomorrow Expansion- Expansion into Florida was voted on. Four times as a matter of fact. Seems the wording in the proposal was a little confusing. Four times tallies were taken, and then re-taken as delegates from the state asked for recounts when it was discovered that there had been some voter irregularities. Al Guez was voting twice- Once for him, once for Gus Greffem, who remained in the hospital, and once for Senator Bob Dole. Las Vegas' Biff Grissom claimed he was not allowed to vote due to the fact that his name is Biff. Finally, after the fourth vote and a quick call to the NAACP and Reverend Jesse Jackson, the group decided to drop the proposal of expansion and tackle something a little less difficult- like nuclear fusion. Phone calls to the headquarters of Florida Governor Jeb Bush went unanswered. Davis' proposal to rename the league W.O.R.M. (World Organization of Rotisserie Moguls) was roundly defeated 7-0, with the State of New York abstaining. A proposal designed to increase scoring, by shortening the distance to First Base by 30 feet, was quickly laughed at and disposed of, when it came to the owner's attention, that they would have to pay someone to dig up the base posts and move them. What this league really needs is some hot chicks. I believe that pretty much encapsulates the C.R.A.B.S. Winter Meetings. Stretch that over 3 days, and suddenly that 'Veronica's Closet' marathon ain't sounded so bad, knowhutImean? Be back here in 14 days and we'll run through all the latest, greatest news that is news in the C.R.A.B.S. world. Until then, Aces everyone………… |