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Dear Ace, My favorite team is the Scottsdale Hawkeyes, and I was wondering what you thought about their playoff chances. - Skippy McGillicuty You know that scene in 'Old Yeller', when Yeller gets shot dead? Well, ol' Yeller still has a better chance dead of making the playoffs than do the Hawkeyes. Hello Ace, I'm a huge fan of yours- in fact, through your writing, I even almost enjoy following C.R.A.B.S. Anyway, my question is- what kind of name is 'Snow Balls'? - Jerry Holohoyo While many in the C.R.A.B.S. community were up-in-arms over the naming of the Snow Balls- Not to mention the cease-and-desist orders from Snowmen around the country- The name Snow Balls has turned out to be a lucrative one for new owner Ben Ranger, as just this week ground was a' broken on the new 'Viagra Field at Trojan Condomseum'. I compliment you, by the way, on your excellent taste. Hi Ace! If the Chicago White Sox are this year's '78 Red Sox, who will be Bucky Dent, and will they have another 'Disco Night'? - Denny Terio As of this writing, neither Crabapple nor Las Vegas need a Bucky Dent, as Chicago has been handing games to their opponents. Mark my words, Denny, the playoff teams from the AL will be Crabapple and Chicago. All due to Vegas' four games left against Oakland. No word yet, but if there is another 'Disco Night', you can bet yer sweet bippy I'll be there in my best pimp outfit. Dear Ace, My favorite team has always been Sacramento. With 8 playoff appearances in 9 seasons, and at least two Championships, do you think there will be a cry to 'break up the Giant's' if they win number three this year? - D. Still I don't think there will be much clamor to break up the Giants, 'D, but other teams may start clamoring to withhold the Giant's Geritol. Dear Ace, Do you think Los Angeles will put up with many more losing seasons from the Lobsters? We don't care for mediocrity from our professional teams around here- that's why we ran the Rams and Raiders out of town. - Brick Stoneman You're right, the Raiders and Rams haven't been too successful since leaving La-La land, and how long have the Clipper's been there again? Oh, that's right, you said professional...Don't worry about the Lobsters- they have the hitting, if they could just find someone to pitch every other night or so...Or every other week.... Dear Ace, How could Hollywood play so poorly this year? This team is loaded! - C. Heston You are correct, they are "loaded", but while Johnny Damon has been a pleasant surprise, Rich Aurilia and Sean Casey have been very disappointing, along with Gary Sheffield. The pitching hasn't developed as expected, and things could get worse this year after the recent firing of the accounting firm of Arthur Andersen... Dear Ace, Are you going to make a World Series prediction, or what? - Bryant Gumbel Never one to back down from a challenge, Bryant, here you go: In the National League, I see Oakland taking Sacramento in six games while in the AL, Crabapple continues their hot streak and takes out Chicago in 5. The World Series will feature two teams seemingly peaking at the right time, but while Crabapple is deeper than Oakland, the Athletic's are too talented. Oakland in six. Hi Ace! You are the greatest! Are you coming back next year, or do we have to suffer through snot-nose again? - A.G. Umley I just love all this great mail from perceptive fans such as yourself. My returning all depends on Mariah, my friends. If the songbird calls, I'm outta here! Well, it was sure fun checking in with the mailbag, but that's all for this week, fellows, see ya next week! |