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Greetings everyone, the Great One (That would be me) has returned to once again light up your life. With C.R.A.B.S. recent money troubles (All flights are out, brand spanking almost-new team busses are in), You were almost left without your weekly dose of Ace, until the richest man in America- Alex Rodriguez- came through and paid the tab. All hail, A-Rod! And now, we have breaking news.... SACRAMENTO GIANTS- You wonder if these guys ever get tired of being on top? First place- again (Yawn!). Todd Helton looks like he'll rebound quite nicely, thankyou, from last year's disappointing (for him) season. Pedro, Glavine and David Wells have pitched well, but Maddux got shellacked in his 2003 debut last week. John Smoltz has registered only 1 save, which is roughly 14 off his total last year at this time. All this adds up to? Yup, first place again, Mom. (Big Yawn!) SCOTTSDALE HAWKEYES- The Hawkeye's salvaged their series against the Giant's, winning two of the final three games to remain in second. Jason Giambi still retains his M.I.A. status into week three, but Jim Thome has thus far avoided his usual April disaster. The disturbing fact in the Land of the Dry Heat has been the bullpen- considered a pre-season strength- which has lost two games and given up 15 runs in 11 games. Maybe Giambi got lost amid all the bullpen flames. HOLLYWOOD STARLETS- The polar opposite of the team they're now facing (That's LA if you're not paying attention)- the Starlet's have received stellar pitching in the form of rookie Ricardo Rodriguez (2-0, 1.39) and veteran Tony Armas, Jr. (2.00 ERA). So, with all this pitching, how is this team only 5-5? Let's ask Charles Johnson (17 points), and Carlos Lee (8 points). Then there's the Robb Nen injury. Sooner or later, these cat's are going to get the hitting and pitching on the same page, and it's gonna be lights out National League! Or Sidney Ponson starts a game and the whole thing goes KABLOOEY! LOS ANGELES LOBSTERS- Speaking of flames, the pitching poor Crustie's took advantage of Oakland's early season trip to Suck City by winning their first series of the season. The starting pitching has been so dreadfully, horribly bad that I don't even want to talk about it. It scares me. And now, LA's Rock of Gibraltar, Brian Giles is out with a mild case of the plague. Oh- Don't look now, Cliff Floyd just went down. Oh, woe is them. These jokers have the sock- even without the Rock of Giles- but somebody- please somebody- send those clowns on the mound out of town. For God's sake, man! OAKLAND ATHLETICS- 3-7. Three wins, Seven losses. Roberto Alomar- 21 points. Javier Lopez- 24 points. Eric Hinske- 26 points. Dmitri Young- 6 points. Barry Zito- oh-and-two. Randy Johnson- ditto with a 10.32 ERA. Jon Garland- 9.00 ERA. League worst 30 points per game. Ouch! The good news for Oakland fans is that old Athetic tonic- also known as the Scottsdale Hawkeyes are coming to town this week. That's what we in the bidness refer to as "A cure-all". CRABAPPLE MANIACS- Even after only two weeks, if you had told me that Crabapple would start 7-4 sans Griffey and Nevin, and with Mike Piazza lacking an extra base hit or an RBI, Derek Lowe's 7.94 ERA, Bobby Higginson (.162, 19 points), and the bullpen (11.91 ERA) struggling, I'd have figured you were the Iraqi Information Minister. There are about four players pulling their weight here. Four! Now, the riddle: Does this bode well for the Maniacs- winning through slumps? Or is this just the beginning of a season long slump that will end in Skidsville? CHICAGO WHITE SOX- Someone needs to inform the Sox that their season didn't end with the season opening series win over Oakland. A nifty 5-1 start quickly turned nightmarish after losing three straight to the Snow Balls, until the rebound win over the Maniacs righted the ship. It's not like the wheels have fallen off (See: Oakland), but they're just not getting the timely hit or lucky bounce. Then again, ships don't have wheels....This week's series with Crabapple should help shake the doldrums. LAS VEGAS DEVIL RAYS- Vegas took a page from the Oakland Handbook of Sucking and slept through the five game set with Crabapple. If it weren't for a rare Carlos Guillen homerun, the Ray's would've dropped four of five to the Manical ones. Many observers would point to the recent loss of Edgar Martinez to SARS as the reason, but this expert disagrees as Rob Fick (2 HR, 5 RBI) was outstanding in his stead. Now, the D-Rays hop on a bus to Sacramento. Out of the pan and into the proverbial fire- but the Ray's pulled the stop, drop and roll and pulled out game uno. INDIANA HOOSIERS- The Hoosiers dropped back into their old home from 2001- the AL basement, with nary a whimper. The win over New England on Sunday vaulted them back into fourth, a mere 2 1/2 games out of first. Aside from Kirk Rueter and the bullpen- no one's been pitching, and except for Mark Ellis and J.T. Snow (In a reserve role)- no one's been hitting. And that's not good. And that starts with G, which rhymes with T, which stands for Trouble. Right here in Hoosier country. Where for art thou, Pudge? NEW ENGLAND SNOW BALLS- How 'bout dem 'Balls? Trust me, that's not the first time I've said that! Chicago came to town in first place, but Raul Ibanez, Jay Payton & Co. said get that doo-doo out of here! They even had a nice start from Jeff D'Amico and saves from Jose Jimenez and Ugueth Urbina. It's Mardi Gras in New England, baby! And now, here come the Hoosiers!!! That's a my show for this week, mi amigo's. If A-Rod has any dough left, I might be back next week. Until next time, Aces everyone! |