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	June 9, 2003
	Hello again everyone, it is I- C.R.A.B.S. shining light. Hell, who am I kidding- I'm C.R.A.B.S. only light. As I'm sure you've noticed, It's been awhile since I last appeared here to brighten your day- C.R.A.B.S. fiscal problems have worsened to the point that Martha Stewart just sold her shares. That can't be a good sign. With 9 of the ten teams in deep financial turmoil (Only the Chicago White Sox swim in the black), the C.R.A.B.S season is in serious doubt unless the league's C.F.O. MC Hammer can turn the boat around. In the meantime- it's time for my third annual mid-season C.R.A.B.S. All-Acey team (And there was much rejoicing). Without further adieu, let me introduce the 2003 All-Acey Champions:
	POS. C 1B 2B SS 3B OF OF OF DH SP RP	NATIONAL LEAGUE Javier Lopez, Oakland Todd Helton, Sacramento Marcus Giles, Hollywood Alex Rodriguez, Oakland Hank Blalock, Scottsdale Gary Sheffield, Hollywood Preston Wilson, Scottsdale Luis Gonzalez, Oakland Jim Thome, Scottsdale Mark Mulder, Scottsdale John Smoltz, Sacramento	AMERICAN LEAGUE Ivan Rodriguez, Las Vegas Richie Sexson, Crabapple Bret Boone, Las Vegas Orlando Cabrera, NE Eric Chavez, Las Vegas Manny Ramirez, Las Vegas Andruw Jones, Las Vegas Carl Everett, Crabapple Edgar Martinez, Las Vegas Mike Mussina, Chicago Ugueth Urbina, NE-Crab
	And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.... SACRAMENTO GIANTS- Though they've stumbled a bit in the last three weeks, here they are at mid-season, looking down at the rest of National League despite the injury to Pedro Martinez, the sometimes ineffective Greg Maddux (4-5) and the bumbling residents at third (combined 161 points). I would never count these guys out of anything, but the team needs a healthy Pedro and a little more punch from the offense. OAKLAND ATHLETICS- After taking their time getting started this season (The regular season began March 31, Oakland's season began about March 20th), The A's have kicked it into high-gear, closing out the first half with a 9-game winning streak that moved them ahead of Scottsdale into second. The Big Unit's been hurt, Barry hasn't been all-that, A-Rod's only hitting .275, and last year's surprise Eric Hinske is hurt and stinking (Not necessarily in that order). But, here they are, four games behind the Giant's and charging fast. A big thanks to Dmitri Young, and a rejuvenated Javier Lopez. SCOTTSDALE HAWKEYES- If you'd have asked the Hawkeye's at the beginning of the year what they thought of their chances at mid-season with Jason Giambi and Miguel Tejada having such lousy starts, and I think they probably would've just shriveled up and died. They've got a chance, though, and figuring that G and Miggy will get hot sooner or later, they should make a run for the postseason. Kudos to thirdbaseman Hank Blalock and Preston Wilson who have done nice impersonations of G and Miggy. LOS ANGELES LOBSTERS- Everyone figured the Lobsters were dead in the water a month ago, but lo and behold, Sir Brian Giles comes back from the DL, and wham, bam, thank you Raffy, they got back into the race and stand only 7 games out of a playoff spot with 60 to play. Now, I don't believe for a minute that this pitching staff can carry through on a second half revival, but whoulda thunk Moses could part the Red Sea?? Nevertheless, unless they can come up with a trade- or Paul Byrd or Rodrigo Lopez return from injury and think they're Randy Johnson, I don't like their chances. HOLLYWOOD STARLETS- I still don't get this team. They've got talent galore, but still flounder around in the basement. Sure, Ichiro's not exactly having an Ichiro year (OK, technically he doesn't even have a starting job anymore), Rich Aurilia's been iffy and Charles Johnson hasn't done much, but damn, this team is still loaded with offense. The pitching's been on the far side of good, but damn, this team is still loaded on offense. Let's hear a big hand though for Gary Sheffield and Marcus Giles leading the way. If the team comes up with some pitching, they could still make a run. Hey, I look at it like this: If you can fall behind 15 games at mid-season, you can make up 15 in the second half. LAS VEGAS DEVIL RAYS- They've bounced around most of the first half, but picked up the pace in the last month, leading the way going into the second half. You want to talk problems for the rest of the AL? How about Eric Chavez and Paul Konerko suffering through HORR-ible first halves, and neither one has yet to go on one of their vaunted tears. Either one can carry this team for a month. Sure, sure, Bret Boone will come back to earth, Edgar Martinez really is 40-something, but I'm still figuring Chavez or Konerko will bust out and lead the team to the promised land. Team MVP? It's Boonie by a landslide, baby. CRABAPPLE MANIACS- This has got to be the incredible story of the first half. Until just about six hours ago, the Maniac's held at least a share of first place, this despite the fact that everybody on their team is on the disabled list. On the plus side, Ken Griffey, Jr. has played in a record (for him) 16 games as a Maniac. He's due for a rest. Jeff Kent and Richie Sexson have been carrying the load on offense, while Esteban Loaiza and Jamie Moyer have kept the pitching staff afloat. If they can get anyone healthy, they'll compete for the postseason- unless the entire team ends up in a deal with New England..... CHICAGO WHITE SOX- The Pale Hose rode the wave as long as they could, but eventually settled back down into third, due mostly to a powerless offense. Moises Alou, Magglio Ordonez, and John Olerud have had almost identical first halves, but unfortunately for the Sox, they're about the only consistent offensive contributors. Mike Mussina started out like gangbusters, opening with a nifty 5-0 mark, but has since lost his last six decisions. With a little more punch, they can make this a three-team race, but until someone steps up to the plate (pun intended), I don't think it's going to happen. Of course, that's when the Sox are at their best- when no one thinks it will happen! INDIANA HOOSIERS- These guys could be a lot closer if management were paying attention. When one of your starting outfielders has 4 RBI and 43 points in 60 games, you'd think a change might be in the offering, but not in Indiana. Apparently, Gabe Kapler has some blackmail pictures or something, because we here in Aceland can't figure out why they keep trotting him out there. The pitching's been decent enough, the offense (At least the eight of them) have been decent- with a trade or two, they could be a little closer, but it won't happen with the staus quo. A big shout out to Rafael Furcal, though, who is finally turning into the shortstop they thought he'd be when they traded that Zito guy for him a few years ago. NEW ENGLAND SNOW BALLS- I don't know if I'm qualified to review the Snow Balls, because frankly, I don't even know who's on their team anymore! I had Skippy look at the roster and I think there are 10 guys left from the start of the season, and I can't even tell you how many came through for a cup of joe! Mike Cameron, Carlos Pena, Randall Simon and Dave Roberts are the newest Balls, but that will change tomorrow I'm sure. Somehow, someway, though, this team of vagabonds have done a pretty good job considering where they were a year ago. They are only 13 games out of first (Hey, that's closer than Hollywood!), and I tell you, it's not Oakland or Sacramento that Chicago fears, but these little Snow Balls right here! New England's taken like 12 of the 10 games those two have played so far, and you can expect they're going to be spoilin' somebody's season in the second half. I just won't be able to tell you who they are. Let's all give a standing ovation to the poor kids printing up the scorecards and making the uniforms! Oh, and Orlando Cabrera, who put on a helluva first half. That's my show this week kids! As soon as C.R.A.B.S. can pull together my $25 fee, I'll be back again! Until next time, Aces everyone!