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Hello old pals, it's AG- sometimes known as Ace- back to rock your world and keep it real, yo. We are now three weeks into the 2004 C.R.A.B.S. season, and as we seen some new things- a three-way tie for first in the American League (None of these teams, mind you, has a winning record), an expansion team leading the Federal, Sacramento revolutionizing the sport with only one outfielder, and we've seen the familiar- Juan Gonzalez and Larry Walker "injured". C.R.A.B.S. has had an influx of talent this season, and as soon as we locate it- you'll be the first to know! Now, let's take a quick flip around the league- one time, on me! LOUISVILLE- This has to be my surprise pick in waiting so far in 2004. Now, I expected a little excitement, a few homers and then everyone goes home happy. But, these guys are playing pretty tough ball, here. This team has always lacked a number one guy until this year's draft brought in Curt Schilling (3-1, 3.31), and now this team has a little swagger. HAPPY ACE TIME- Everyone's going to want to talk about Guerrero, Schilling, Giles- but I'm telling you, the MVP's of this team to date has been Michael Young (.353, 134 Pts.) and Melvin Mora (.387, 126 Pts.). BUMMIN' ACE- Helloooo, Edgar Alfonzo-o-o-o, anybody home??? SCOTTSDALE- This has been one streaky team, mo-fo. Three wins here, five losses here, six wins here. I'm gettin' punchy just thinking about it. The funny thing is- if you take out their 3-4 record against the expansion teams- they'd be in first place! HAPPY ACE TIME- Thirdbaseman Hank Blalock has continued his own personal assault on the pitchers of America. And, might I say, it's about time somebody did! Hank, I thank you- for all of the mothers around the world! BUMMIN' ACE- Preston Wilson's bout with rabies makes Ace sad. :-( LONG ISLAND- This here team is the team I call the Scrap-ies. Other than the odd spark plug here and there- there really isn't alot of frontline talent on this team, but they just keep scrapping away and getting the job done. Considering that as of Friday night, they were one of only FOUR teams in the league with a winning record!!! HAPPY ACE TIME- Al Leiter has been Leit-er outs all season after throwing nary a pitch at all in Oakland last season. The Al-man's racked up a 3-1 record with a sparkling fine 1.61 ERA. BUMMIN' ACE- Alfonso Soriano. He was supposed to be The Man in the draft. Well, he hasn't come close to being Chico, let alone The Man. One homerun and 4 stolen bases from the Yankee's vaunted 30-30 man, ain't what the 'Dogs had in mind when they plunked down some serious bling to get him. OAKLAND- Now, most of the world is probably wondering what's up with Oakland- but I'm here to tell ya there's nothing to worry about. This just reminds me of their 2002 season when they started off like 1-50, and everyone was crying and then they came back to win the division. They've still got some oldtimers here- it takes time for the Ben-Gay to start working. HAPPY ACE TIME- Only a sunshine guy like me could find a silver lining in this train wreck, but here goes: They serve the best Garlic-Chili Dogs in the league right here in Oakland. Oh, and that Kevin Brown guy is having a good "pre-injury" season. BUMMIN' ACE- Let's play count the healthy bodies! There's A-Rod and Vina and the Garlic-Chili Dog guy and.... BELLMORE- Well, looky here- isn't this the cutest little thing you've ever seen? The little expansion that could! Seriously folks, this little team has done wonders so far- and they've done it with a solidly built team that really doesn't have any holes in it. Can they hold off Vegas? We'll see about that. HAPPY ACE TIME- Mr. Light-hitter himself, Brandon Inge, is hitting .364 with 11 RBI and 5 extra base hits in 22 at bats. That's a humdinger! BUMMIN' ACE- Austin Kearns. He no play no good before he hurt. Kaz Matsui. He really do nothing, nothing at all. LAS VEGAS- They were flying high in first until taking a stumble this last week and sliding to second on our charts- but not in our hearts- you go girl! Other than Colon and Hudson, none of the pitchers have looked good (Save Byuk-nuk Kim's 5 inning debut last week), and the bullpen has yet to register a save- but other than that everything's fine, thanks for axing! HAPPY ACE TIME- Jermaine Dye has made a splendiferous return to health after his 2 year hiatus due to dry scalp syndrome. Dye has a league leading (Alright, it might not be league leading, but it very well should be, dammit) 7 homeruns, 18 RBI and 134 points. Yay, J-Dye!BUMMIN' ACE- The one kid I wanted to see all off-season was this Reye's kid, and now apparently, he's out with a bad case of leprocy. CHICAGO- The Sox just escaped the dastardly depths of the cellar Friday night, with a daring, come-from-behind thriller over Sacramento that will be remembered for a lunchtime. Chicago's had a tough time breaking out this season, which seems a little odd since the players are doing exactly what they always do- Ordonez and Alou, Yay! Ben Davis and John Olerud, What the F**k??? Saturday, May 01, 2004HAPPY ACE TIME- Ordonez and Alou for sure, but how 'bout little Ronnie Belliard (.421, 118 Pts.) or Hideo Nomo (3-0, 4.77)? BUMMIN' ACE- I was going to totally rip him for being useless, but I do have to give him his due- Ben Davis (.120, 9 Pts.) did pick up his first hits and RBI of the season. In the 20th game!!!!!! SACRAMENTO- Oh woe, Oh woe is them! Yes, Virginia that is the only 3 time champion in C.R.A.B.S. history, mucking around with the worst record in the league with the likes of some Night Owls!! This is not your grandfather's Giants. I can't even look, this is even worse than 'The Swan'! Tell me when it's over! HAPPY ACE TIME- There's no happy in hell!!! BUMMIN' ACE- How 'bout this outfield? Chipper- hurt. Walker- hurt. Nixon- hurt. Klesko and Cruz- yeah they're still here. Covering the entire field!!! CRABAPPLE- And this is your brain on drugs.....What has happened to the proud old American League??? The Maniacs were living high on the hog- then Whammo! One three game sweep later and we're looking at the Boston Celtics. Crabapple has kept the memory of Danny Ainge alive with the ever-present revolving door- Sean Casey and Sidney Ponson, the newest Maniacs with Richie Sexson and Kirk Rueter being the latest ex-Maniacs. HAPPY ACE TIME- Not that you've seen the results yet, but Crabapple has quietly put together the best pitching staff in the AL, and one of the best in the league. They've got the Sacramento blueprint down- it's just that right now it's looking like the 2004 version. But hey, at least they have 3 outfielders!!! NEW ENGLAND- Up, down, up, down. These guys ride the charts more often than Beyonce. They're back at the top of the division (If you can call sub .500 the top!), but all these guys are trying to do right now is stay within striking distance until their new star, Nomar Garciaparra, comes back from his bout with unsightly blemishes. And this team almost makes Oakland look like the picture of health. HAPPY ACE TIME- Milton Bradley has been huge- HUGE for this team. He currently bandies about a team-leading 16 RBI, 3 homeruns and a tied-for-the-team-lead 102 points. What's so big about that? He's not even a starter, my friend- Hell, he isn't even the first off the bench! BUMMIN' ACE- Neifi Perez not living up to his Opening Day 4 RBI performance. I really thought this was going to be the year for him to finally make his run at Bonds.... ATLANTIC CITY- Another team that bounced around the standings until finding themselves in a 3-way tie atop the AL on Friday night. I don't know if this team has the firepower to compete with the other 3 teams in this division, though. Getting Jamie Moyer helped, but trading for the just-injured Carl Everett has turned out to be a huge hindrance on offense. HAPPY ACE TIME- The team put some faith in rookie catcher Johnny Estrada this season, and so far it's paying off to the tune of .339, 15 RBI, and a team-high 98 points. BUMMIN' ACE- With the exception of the invisible men playing in Sacramento, this is hands down the worst outfield in the league. These guys just aren't going to cut it. NEW HAMPSHIRE- It's gotta be jet-lag. For years everyone's marvelled at the talent on this team, and the lack of results to show for it. We figured it was because they played in the overly talented NL- so this move to the American League was supposed to bring out a whole new team, but nope- so far it's the same old guys- new jerseys, but same old guys. HAPPY ACE TIME- To ring in the new town, the Owls brought in a new firstbaseman- Richie Sexson- to replace the powerless Sean Casey. Nice move! Until his recent bout with Cholic, anyway. BUMMIN' ACE- Between starters Brian Anderson, Steve Trachsel, Jason Jennings and Kirk Rueter, they own a combined 0-9 record. They have a better chance without pitchers!!! That's the lo-down on the farm this week, mi amigos. Please, come join me many moons from now for another trip into the fun and sun, that we like to call, The Acey Zone. Until next time, Aces everyone! | |||