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Well, unfortunately for me, the world didn't end, so here I am back on the second leg of my torturous tour of C.R.A.B.S. World Famous…yada, yada, yada. Earlier in the week, as you may recall- and I'm sure you do- I reviewed the same draft 4 times over for the Buck O'Neil Division. This week- I'm trying to contain my joy- I get to travel over to the National League to peruse the Cool Papa Bell Division draft. I feel all giddy like a wee little schoolgirl! All I gotta say- if this draft isn't better than the last crappy one I did, I'm done. Comprende? D-O-N-E. ATLANTA Alright, right off the bat, this draft here is way better than the O'Neil's all crumpled together. Which is what they should be, crumpled. I think Albert Pujols alone is better than everyone in the O'Neil draft. That being said- and I just did- Pujols immediately makes this team a contende….a possible wild car…..um….better than they were before the draft. Here, right here- and you should write this down- is your 2007 MVP. Now, if the Cracka's didn't draft anyone else- I'd be done a lot quicker- they'd still have had a decent draft. But, they didn't. And, so I'm still writin'. Jeremy Sowers would've been a really nice addition to a staff in need of a really nice addition. But, since Atlanta added this really nice addition, they sent him to Atlantic City for some empty promises. So, forget about Sowers. Jonnie (Jonny? Johnny? Make up your mind, man!) Gomes could be a nice addition in the outfield or wherever it is he plays, or he could be cut come May 1. I don't really care which. From there, with the exception of probable starters in young catcher Chris Iannetta and young rightfielder Corey Hart, the Cracka's pretty much went for youth. And, I'm talking about youth so young they're probably not going to help this year, but youth that will propel this team into the stratosphere- Ok, maybe just consistent contention in a tough division- before long. Remember the names of Reid Brignac, Josh Fields and Gio Gonzalez. I don't know why, but just remember them! ACE HAPPY- That's a whole lotta hitting they brunged in with Pujols. I'm practically orgasmic right now. ACE SAD- I woulda liked to be seeing at least 1 or 2 more ready for primetime pitchers, but with the haul it took to land Pujols, I'm OK. OVERALL, ACE SAY- B-. Pujols garnered a C all by hisself, champions. Brignac, Iannetta, Peter Brady, House, Gonzalez, Dan Quayle and Hart pushed it all the way up in the B range- yes the highest score of the 5 teams reviwed to date. ATLANTIC CITY- Looky what we have here. Two drafts- two good drafts (Helllloooo, O'Neil Division, Helllooooo). Now, in order to get this team in prime, make-a-run-for-the-pennant-right-this-second, we're-going-to-beat-the-pants-off-of-Oakland shape, this team would've had to draft about 30 Pujols. That being said, this little team went out and had their most productive draft since the 'Talkies' were introduced. Right off the bat, I'm humming the Gamblers tune as they reeled in the hot new Japanese stud Daisuke Matsuzaka, who immediately becomes the best pitcher this team has had since…..a real long time, trust me. With their second pick, the Atlantic City brass went after the thirdbaseman this team hasn't had in…..an even longer time. If I'm not mistaken, their last thirdbaseman worth a crap was Home Run Baker. He was a thirdbaseman, right? Anyway, after those two super studs, the rest of the draft was a pedestrian jaunt to round out the roster, Alex Sanchez, Bobby Howry, Harry and the Henderson's, etc. There are a couple of other guys worth a mention, but I forgot their names. Oh, wait- outfielder Jason Botts, starting pitcher John Danks reliever Matt Capps, firstbaseman Ryan Garko and Captain Jack Sparrow. So, this draft didn't turn the Gamblers into Insta-Contenders, but Matsuzaka and Ramirez will go a long ways towards making their fans not want to hurl at the mere sight of the team. ACE HAPPY- Two things here is making Ace happy, happy, happy. Matsuzaka is the ace long since forgotten in the shiny city, and Ramirez can actually hit. The team probably won't know what to do with them. ACE SAD- With the subsequent trade that brought Jeremy Sowers in for Matt Holliday, the Gamblers now have no one whatsoever to play in the outfield. The Japanese guy and the Ramirez fellow cost so much money, the Gamblers were immediately out of the market for anyone good, and now they're stuck with Lou Costello, John Fogarty and Sarah Jessica Parker chasing flies. OVERALL, ACE SAY- B. I know they only got two real players, but that's two more real players than they started out with. If they were in the O'Neil Division, they would've spent $30 on Izzy Molina. BELLMORE- Earlier in the week, I couldn't have hit a B if I was wearing a pollen suit. This week, we're checking out more B-sides than the Beatles! Now, with Atlantic City and Atlanta, I gave them the big grades because of a couple of studs they brought in. This here Bellmore draft is basically stud-less. Nonetheless, this was a draft that put Bellmore back on the charts. The trouble is- this division is a nasty little chart! The one thing the Braves did with this little draft is fill some holes. What holes does a team that's made the playoffs two out of their three seasons need to fill? Pitching, my young Enchiladas, pitching. See, the Braves have an offense that almost makes the Athletics green with envy, but on the mound it's been Larry, Moe and Curly. No offense to the hurling skills of the Stooges. But, with this one little draft, the Braves shored up that weakness in the form of Rich Hill, Dave Bush, Tom Gorzewhodananny and Kelly Ripa. Now, I'm no Jimmie the Greek, but chances are at least one of those kids is gonna stick. And, that just might be enough to put this team over the hump. With a big hole at second after moving Soriano to the outfield, Bellmore grabbed Jose Valentin and rookie Kelly Johnson to stick their fingers in the dyke. (Insert your own Rosie O'Donnell joke here). For the future, Adam Miller could someday be the ace of the stooges and Andrew McCutchen could someday watch Miller pitch. ACE HAPPY- Dave Bush. Bush wasn't even the Braves' first pick, but he's the one that I think will break through and lead this team to whatever heights there are in this league. ACE SAD- There's nothing for me to be sad about here as the Braves pretty much did what I thought they should do. Maybe they could have drafted a Shawn, but Sacramento pretty much gobbled all them up. OVERALL, ACE SAY- B+. O'Neil Division pay attention- this is what you do with a draft- you grab players that will actually HELP you. Next week we'll go over what to do with a fungo. BERMUDA- See, this just keeps getting better and better! Now, this team right is here is the proud owner of three- count 'em, THREE- C.R.A.B.S. championships- and with this sterling draft, I'm telling you, this is the best team they've ever fielded, and they also locked up their future with some Mini-Me studlings. Where do I start with this haul? After dealing Travis Hafner before the draft, the Triangles ably replaced him with slugging firstbaseman Derek Lee, and then even had enough left over to reel in the apparent prize of the draft in outfielder Jason Bay. Whoa Nellie! I'm just getting started! Ryan Dempster comes in as insurance for Jason Isringhausen blowing out his arm signing his name, J.J. Hardy is a young prospect and insurance against Carlos Guillen never playing defense again. But, the stars are just half the story, Mousketeers. The kids Bermuda brought in could make this the team that could be the team that Sacramento used to be but no one is anymore. Jay Bruce, Cameron Maybin, Anthony Reyes and Yovanni Wolfgang Mozart could all be stars, just like yours truly. With this draft, the Triangles could be the team to beat in the Bell Division, possibly in the NL, conceivably in the league, and dare I say it- maybe the world! ACE HAPPY- I'm happy with the whole damn thing! I'm practically bursting like Ryan Seacrest at a hair product convention. ACE SAD- I'm sad their draft had to end. Maybe next year we can let the Triangles draft for the O'Neil Division, too. OVERALL, ACE SAY- A. Right here is the best draft of half the league. Can anyone else beat it? Does anyone really care? Alright, well this draft just made me durn tootin' happy. Maybe I'll just do this one again in a couple of days instead of the Josh Gibson Draft like I'm supposed to. Or maybe I'll move in with Britney Spears. It's a toss-up at this point. Yours in scholastic acheievement, Nancy Grace | |||