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Aye mateys, we're back again. Thank you. Thank you very much. The past two columns have been devoted to the draft needs of the 7 best teams from C.R.A.B.S. last season. Now, we pass the downtrodden. Yay, though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Losers, please don't let them touch upon me, lest they get there filthy, disgusting putridity (I just made that up! Didja' hear that Pulitzer voters?) all over me person. OK, OK, I'll lighten up. Here this week to bring a smile to my face, let alone the ulcer in my stomach, Yes Kids! It's the Orangevale Crush, the Davis Yankees, and the Las Vegas Devil Rays!! Kinda like Christmas all over again ain't it? Is anyone still here? Hellooooo..All the hell with it, let's just get it over with. ORANGEVALE CRUSH (NEEDS: SS, C, 1B, SP, OF, RP)- This team has fallen quite a bit in since their '96 World Series Championship, but there is still some talent here. Mike Mussina, Ivan Rodriguez, Manny Ramirez, David Justice, and Juan Gonzalez all remain from that championship season, but the newer faces have not brought much satisfaction to Crush fans. With half this team missing almost half of last season, I think they probably need to turn over half their roster if they want to stand half a chance to win at least half their games. I-Rod should be back to his ol' Superman self, but I still worry about Galaragga playing 100+ at first. If I were dem, I'd seriously look into a veteran backup, such as Lee Stevens or Rico Brogna. Walt Weiss retired, leaving Rey Sanchez as the only shortstop on the roster, and he's really no better than a backup. Unfortunately, there is no one better in this draft. Let's give them Jose Vizcaino, and tell them to be happy they got him. I also have grave fears over this old, old outfield. Burks, Gonzalez, Justice, and Ramirez, all missed a chunk of last year, or are due to miss a chunk this year. A stud like Johnny Damon would only receive playing time if one of those guys are injured (Well, alright the likelihood is there..), and getting him would dry up most of their free agent $$, so I would go for someone a little more middle of the road such as Roger Cedeno or Benny Agbayani. Maybe even Todd Hollandsworth, if the price was right. They don't need a stud here, they just need someone to contribute should (or when) one of the four core flycatchers, uh..drop. The starting rotation has also received it's share of bumps as Wilson Alvarez missed all of last season, and might be done, and rising star Gil Meche had off-season surgery and will miss time this year. How long can Kenny Rogers and Kirk Rueter keep it up? I see this team hot and heavy in the Trachsel derby, while also throwing some dollars Rick Helling's way. Finally, Heathcliffe Slocumb's just not gonna cut it in the bullpen. A cheap alternative could come in the way of Scott Strickland, or Ryan Kohlmeier. There's some shoring up to do, but there is still some talent here. It may an exorcism to be released, but it's there. DAVIS YANKEES (NEEDS: SP, 2B, SS, 3B, OF)- Well, here they are again. The most Free Agent money in the league once again. How are they gonna blow it this time? It's almost too grizzly to watch. I guess that's why I'm here, to help these suck teams spot some talent. OK, follow along here now. J-O-H-N-N-Y D-A-M-O-N. I don't know how to spell it out any other way, but if these guys don't come up with Damon, the draft is a failure, and every member of the Yankee organization should throw themselves into the river. But, in case they do get him, let's continue with our preview…lessee…as yes, Johnny Damon. Mr. Damon could probably use a new buddy to help him learn those tricky outfield corners in Davis, so I say bring along Todd Hollandsworth or Ricky Ledee. Wow! Hollandsworth (or Ledee) and Damon, now that could provide some sparks, and Lord knows this team needs something. Well, if they get those two, there money would pretty much be gone, so there just gonna go a little backup fishing here on in. I say, what the hey, let's bring back original Yankee Russ Davis back for another go 'round backing up Cirillo at third. Some backup middle infielders would be helpful, so let's bring back Jay Canizaro, and Mark Grudzielanek, and we'll all sleep better I'm sure. I could see these guys make a run for Jose Ortiz even though they have Quilvio Veras and Jerry Hairston at second. Just the kinda crazy thing this organization would do ya know? S' Maybe why their a fixture in last place, eh? This team needs some star power. NOW. This draft is rather short on star power. EXCEPT JOHNNY DAMON. IF ANYONE IN DAVIS IS LISTENING TO ME RIGHT NOW, WRITE THIS NAME DOWN- JOHNNY DAMON. THAT'S JOHNNY DAMON, DAMMIT. JOHNNY DAMON. We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming…. LAS VEGAS DEVIL RAYS (NEEDS: RP, INF)- Here we are at the tail end of this year's Free Agent Draft preview. It's so, so sad. But I'll get over it. No, really, I will. So, now we've come to the team with the worst record in the league in 2000, the Las Vegas Devil Rays. Now, you might think this team would need a major overhaul, but I'd say nyah, nyah you're wrong, you're wrong. The only position that really needs upgrading here is the relief pitching. Outside of Oakland and Sacramento, are you going to find a better staff than one with Colon, Finley, Hudson, and Zito? No, quite simply, yer not. And these guys may even surpass those aforementioned teams this year, as well. Fordyce and Hernandez should handle the catching chores well enough, and if McGwire's healthy, he and Konerko more than handle first. DeShields, Velarde, Perez, Guillen and Chavez man the other three infield spots, where the Rays could use one more backup, maybe Ramon Martinez. Jermaine Dye, Andruw Jones, and Terrence Long makeup a good starting outfield with Matt Stairs in reserve. Another backup outfielder would be a good idea, just in case neither Lombard or Seguignol are ready. But hey, other than that, this team is set already, and I believe headed towards the playoffs, yeah that's right, bucky, I said headed for the playoffs. Well, unless Davis gets Johnny Damon, then everything gets turned upside down, man. Check back in two weeks when I once again knock the socks off the Pulitzer Prize voters with something outrageous, inventive, and original. I'll let you know what it is as soon as I think of it. Until then, chill'uns, Aces everyone……. |